Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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