I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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