never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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