I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize