I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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