Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My cat gives me a boner
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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