the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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