i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Ladies don't puke and tell
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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