I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
