Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Holy shit dude........stairs
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
