used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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