at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
