Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
