cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
