I think i peed on brittanys purse
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Actions speak louder than pants.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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