It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
