If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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