Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
