Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
