so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
