I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
