well I can't set my house on fire every night
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
