I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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