He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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