I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
