I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
