He kissed a someone with a penis
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
This house was built for laser tag.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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