JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
