The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
