Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
