I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
