Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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