Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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