I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
