sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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