my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We need to rekindle our bromance
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
