i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
