I queefed so loud it echoed.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize