so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
