i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
