So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
