is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
