Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
