Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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