it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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