The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
