There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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