she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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