I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
