i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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