I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
