His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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