I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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