actually, I'm a sock model
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
