Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
