i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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