ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize