I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You are a genius and a whore.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
