Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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