the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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