They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
