How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
