I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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