my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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