After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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