Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize