I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize