so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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