I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
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as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
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I think your dad took our porno
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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