drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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