$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
