I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
