the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
