This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
