I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
